Scam artist, conman, thief, liar, pill-pusher, crooked lawyer……how many names can one use to describe you? How long does it take before someone begins to start wearing the nametag? At the end of the day only two know the real truth-you and God.
History is replete with stories of those who fell from grace-either through their own actions or through the mis-characteristics of others. Failure is a circumstance no-one wants yet it is one of the most powerful motivators available to human beings.
Forget what people have said or are saying about you now. Another blessing of failure is the ability to truly discover who your friends are. Who truly loves you.
It will only become fact if you give in to it. Or when you are buying the garbage being thrown around about you. Or when you refuse to get up, dust yourself off, and keep running-that’s failure.
You have sabotaged yourself, probably for much longer than you realize. It’s easy to look toward others who may have contributed-maybe even caused-this particular setback but in the end, it is you who have done the number on yourself. How can this be? Why can I say this? Putting aside that I know what this feeling is like, I can say with absolute certainty-after pondering this question for many years-that negative, destructive, condemning self-talk can bethe single most destructive act that we perpetrate on ourselves.Actually, if someone spoke to you the way you speak to yourself you would never talk to them again!
If you plea bargained,you stood (or about to) before the sentencing judge and sorrowfully accepted complete responsibility for your crime. Guilty or not, you have sworn that “yes, I did this….” to them and with a sorrowful, and likely sincere, continence threw yourself on your sword. The media has demonstrated the power of words to tear you, possibly your family and certainly your character to shreds. You have watched years of respect vanish within hours. You have “questioned” yourself in ways that the “average” person could never do to you. Nothing I write could adequately illustrate the vituperation and hate-filled condemnation that you’ve mentally and emotionally heaped upon yourself to this point. But now, you must take this opportunity to learn who you are, what you’re really made of and what you plan on doing with your life going forward. That decision, those actions can only be determined by you. They can only be put into motion by you. The embarrassment and disappointment can only be overcome by you.
A personal incident will, I believe, be in order here………About 10 months after my prison term began, as I lay on the steel rack that was now my bed inside that dungeon, I entered into what I can only describe as a state of semi-consciousness. That had never happened before,nor has it since, but that day Isomehow began writing each and every thought that came into my mind. The vilest, hate-filled, self-loathing and hurtful condemnationsstarted to appear on the sheet of paper I had laid next to me. For 90 minutes I wrote down every demonstrative pronoun, transitive verb and connotative wordthat somehow came to me in that subliminal state. When I fully awoke from that entrancedcondition, I was stunned by what I had wrote about and to, myself. It was at that moment I decided that I had better do some serious internal housecleaning or I would literally die from the personal resentment,torment, shame and despondency.
We’ve all heard-and read-to “stay positive”. That negative thinking only brings about bad things. Bad experiences…………. Oh, if it were only that simple.
If you have already been sentenced, please consider what I am about to write:Your time for feelingshame, remorse and judgement is over.Although you have regrets and certainly wish that things for you, your family, and your victims (if any are involved) had been different, you cannot change the past. End of story. You can only impact and change the future. In order to begin the healing process-for everyone involved, you will need to begin healing yourself. Yes, yourself!As difficult as it is now, you MUST begin to forgive yourself. This is not a selfish act, no matter how many people you’ve impacted or hurt. In order to once again become productive in any and every way, you need to love and value yourself. Okay, you messed up. Big time. It’s done. It’s over. Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something constructive and yes, even positive. You are no good to anyone, least of all your family, feeling pitiful or despicable. Remember who is giving you this advice-someone who spent nearly a decade in lockup…….I know what I’m talking about.
When you accept that you are forgiven by God-and you must accept that you are because you are-then your inner dialogue changes from “woe is me” to “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. These are powerful words, and I cannot encourage you enough to embrace them and hold them close, very close, to your heart. When your inner dialogue tells you that you are loved unconditionally, safe, accepted, that you no longer need to be fearful or judged then you can begin to radiate positive energy without effort. When you change what is inside you, your mind, your heart, your feelings, you will change your external world. You’ll see.
Failure is a word, a state of being that need only be temporary. I urge you to not give it oxygen any longer. You learned. Painfully, but you now have that strength of character that you didn’t have before. It was-and is-a blessing.
Friedrich Nietzsche once wrote “What does not destroy me, makes me stronger”. I am here to confirm that statement because I was once where you are.
I would like, if I may, to leave you with one more thought, this found in Romans 8:28 written by St. Paul in 57 AD “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those called according to His purpose”. In the end know that this set-back you are now going through is really a set-up to become all that you are meant to be. That, if you let it, good will come out if this. It is within youtomake this mess-up your masterpiece…………. Always remember this: a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials……….
